Forgiveness
by Moving Mountains
Summary: Raven can't forgive herself for Trigon's uprising. Can her friends? Can the city? [One-shot]


Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans or anything affiliated with it.

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It had been fourteen days. Fourteen long days and nights without seeing her. They knew she was there thanks to Cyborg's systems. They had tried everything to tempt her out of her room but she hadn't left since after the celebration of Trigon's defeat. Every day, Robin, Starfire, Beast Boy and Cyborg left her food and talked to her through the door, which was protected by a curse, reminding her that when she was ready, they would be there to help her.

On the fifteenth morning, the remaining four Titans were sat on the sofa at a loss on what to do next. They were arguing about the best strategy when the TV automatically switched on with breaking news.

"Dude, is that…?" Beast Boy exclaimed, pointing to the screen.

Through the television, the four Titans watched as Raven walked in front of the microphone and stood.

"Did you know she was gonna do this?" Cyborg asked their leader.

Robin shook his head, frowning. She looked awful: her violet hair hung limply around her face without its usual healthiness; her skin was paler than he'd ever seen and she was visibly skinnier than before. Cyborg shared his concerns, sighing and dropping his head into his hands.

"She wasn't that thin before, right?" Beast Boy said, confirming what everyone else in the room was thinking. None of them answered, too engrossed in their own ill-thoughts.

"Friends, should we go down there and support her?"

The males silently shook their heads and fixed their eyes on their friend, understanding that if she had wanted them there, she would have told them about this in the first place. Starfire grabbed Robin's hand and squeezed it tightly. He returned it with a small squeeze of his own.

"Raven, we understand that you have called this press conference to announce a statement you've prepared?" an interviewer asked from off camera. The demoness nodded, displaying an air of confidence to the public – but not to those who knew her best.

"Man, she must be terrified," Cyborg murmured, noticing the sadness swimming behind her violet eyes. Raven had never liked attention even from the people she'd saved, let alone a crowd of confused citizens and news anchors with their cameras pointed on her. They watched as she took a shaky breath and pulled a piece of paper from her cloak, placing it on the pedestal in front of her.

"Citizens of Jump City-" she started, her voice breaking slightly. "I am Raven, one fifth of the Teen Titans and I have some important news to explain to you."

Beast Boy's heart broke seeing her struggle with her words. He'd always admired Raven's quiet confidence, her self-assuredness. The woman on their screen was a far cry from the friend he knew and he hated that this is what the world was seeing instead of the woman he had the privilege to live with, to fight with, to share the life of a hero with. He held back tears, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees to stop his leg shaking with anxiety.

"As a Titan, it my job to protect you all from any threats and I'm sorry to say that two weeks ago, I failed to do that."

The heads in the crowd turned in confusion as everyone tried to figure out what she meant. Quiet muttering permeated the atmosphere until they heard her shaky breath in the microphone.

"Two weeks ago, I was responsible for the destruction and resurrection of Earth."

Everything went silent: herself, the crowd, the Titans. It was like the world had stopped breathing, and Raven – being the empath she was – felt the confusion and shock hit her like a battering ram. It hurt. It hurt more than anything she'd felt in the hundreds of battles she'd faced. It hurt more than the moment her body was ripped apart during Trigon's ascension. But she had a responsibility to explain the situation to the people she owed her life to, so she raised her head once more and looked as many people in the eye as possible.

"I can assure you that there have been no aftereffects or lasting damage on the planet or its citizens. There is no reminder that it happened, other than my guilt for allowing it to happen and for giving up on you. When the catastrophic event took place, everything was frozen in time, including yourselves, so you have no recollection."

Robin felt Starfire's hand squeezing his harder than before and checked to see that she was okay. The alien cast her mind back to that moment, the moment when she thought she'd lost her best friend forever. She couldn't stop the tears from falling.

Robin leaned forward and whispered in her ear, "It's okay," before pulling her into a hug. Over her shoulder, he saw the Beast Boy and Cyborg looking worriedly at them. He gave them a reassuring smile.

"I could have stayed quiet about it but I know I would be doing you all an injustice. You deserve an explanation and it must come from myself." She paused, trying to find the strength to relive the horrific experience with her father. "I have powers because of my half human, half demon heritage, courtesy of my father whose plan was for me to destroy our world. I tried to avoid it. I chose to believe that the good I've achieved with the Titans could counteract the destiny written for me. I tried to end my life before my father could use me."

The Titans all gasped, processing what they'd just heard. Starfire's tears fell quicker but she showed strong resolve; on Tamaran, where fighting was commonplace, she was used to seeing warriors sacrifice themselves for the greater good and could empathise with Raven's thought process.

The same couldn't be said for the male Titans: Beast Boy and Robin's faces couldn't hide their anger that she had struggled to such extremes that suicide felt like her only escape. Cyborg was the only one who didn't seem surprised and that didn't get past Robin.

"You knew, didn't you?"

Cyborg sighed. "I promised her I wouldn't say anything."

He flash-backed to that night when his sensors alerted him that someone was in the medical room. He went to investigate and found Raven holding a syringe to her arm and an empty vial of the strongest sedative they stocked. He knew from the moment they locked eyes what her intention was. He calmly walked up to her and forced the equipment from her hands before locking her the tightest embrace he could – a message that he wasn't letting her go, or letting her let go either. They talked and he promised her that he wouldn't tell the others – especially Robin – if she promised to never try something so stupid again. That night, he stayed up until morning making sure she kept her promise, surveying her bedroom and watching her sleep.

"I'm not revealing that to gain your pity; I'm telling you to help you understand how much I wanted to prevent what came to pass – to emphasise how desperate I was to protect you all. I knew that the inevitable couldn't be stopped so I surrendered to my father and caused the world to end but not before transferring my powers to my friends: Robin, Cyborg, Starfire and Beast Boy. Without them, none of us would be here today."

Robin frowned as he remembered running after Raven, a child terrified. He remembered her falling off his back as he climbed out of the fiery pits of hell. He remembered the disappointed faces of his friends when he returned to the surface with her cowering behind his cape. He'd never lost hope in her – in them.

"The other Titans fought courageously against my father while Robin found my powerless form. Together, we overcame evil and destroyed him, returning Earth to how it was before. As ludicrous as the story seems, it is the truth as the Titans will confirm."

The voices in the crowd rose and the realisation of what had happened rippled through the citizens. Raven was visibly shaking now.

"As a result of my devastating actions, I am renouncing myself as a member of the Teen Titans."

"What!" Beast Boy shouted, jumping up. He transformed into a hawk and flew through an open window, leaving the others behind on the sofa feeling conflicted.

"You deserve to be protected by selfless heroes and after what I've done, I believe I'm no longer entitled to your trust." Her voice wavered as emotion flowed through her. "I can feel your disdain, confusion and shock at this revelation but I also feel your… relief."

Faintly in the distance, she heard a squawk; the distinguishable green feathers of a bird flapped towards her. She was running out of time.

"To my friends who I know are watching," she choked, imagining the frowns on the Titans' faces, "I'm so sorry and I hope that one day you will grant me forgiveness."

She disappeared. Beast Boy landed where she'd stood, his eyes swimming with tears and anger. The silent crowd reawakened from their stunned stupor. He drowned out their questions, ignored the microphones reaching towards him and focused down the lens of the camera that was fixed on him.

"Robin, we did not go through Hell and back to give up on her! Track her! Please!" he implored his leader through gritted teeth.

On the sofa, Cyborg and Starfire turned to face him. He pulled out his communicator and traced hers – the signal pinging back from her bedroom a few seconds later. He didn't move. He knew she wasn't there.

"ROBIN! WE _NEED_ HER!" Beast Boy shouted, his fists clenching and smashing down on the wood. He didn't need to see the Boy Wonder to know that he wasn't going to track her. He shot back into the sky in avian form and flew faster than he thought he ever could. The other's watched him depart, watched the city's citizens begin to disperse, watched the news anchor announce – not that it need clarification – that Raven was no longer a Teen Titan.

"Robin, where would Raven have gone?" Starfire asked innocently.

He sighed, "Nowhere we could find her."

"WHY ARE YOU ALL STILL SITTING HERE?" Beast Boy angrily yelled, landing back in the living area. He grabbed Cyborg by his metal shoulders and started shaking him. "WHY AREN'T YOU LOOKING FOR RAVEN?!"

"You know why."

The changeling broke down in Cyborg's arms. Starfire too began to cry, seeking comfort in Robin who obliged, wrapping his arms around her like he was afraid he would lose her too.

In his mind, he felt a gentle pull - a warmth. In a last desperate attempt to get his friend back, he telepathically soothed, "I can't forgive you, Raven, when you did nothing wrong."

He felt the connection wisp away into nothingness, as if it had never existed. She was gone. She wouldn't come back. The sorceress who he had called 'the most hopeful person he had ever met' just weeks ago had given up… and he didn't blame her. She'd been killing herself for weeks; all he could hope for now was that she was at peace.

They formed a group hug, gripping each other tightly as if it would bring comfort to a situation there was no escape from. They stayed that way for a long time as if their being frozen would freeze time, freeze the moment their lives would be changed forever – the moment they lost Raven not once, but twice.

They all ventured to her room. It was unlocked. Inside was empty – every possession she owned gone. Except for a handwritten letter under her communicator.

Cyborg pried it open with trembling hands, and held out the letter for the team to read over his shoulder. Her delicate handwriting graced the paper. Two simple words. Eight letters. No explanation.

_Thank you._


End file.
